Smoke Out Your Hook-Up’s

OK, why does it seem like we all have that one crazy ass uncle? You know, the one at the cook out who always smelled like Cigarettes and played cards at the old-head’s table?

My Uncle Benny would always get my name wrong but put me on his lap; then I’d pinch my nose and say he smelled like pee. Looking back on it now I realize that it was the Heineken on his breath but Eh, I compared most things to pee at 4 years old. I was listening in on a conversation he had with my cousin and for some reason it stuck with me for 16 years. My uncle leans in close to him (while I’m about to fall out of his lap) and says:

“Now son, life is shorter than you think. Before you get all tied down, I want you to promise me something. Get your woman some of this here:

(sips a half empty bottle of dark liquor)

Except the trick is now you stay sober, and watch her truths sloooooowly reveal themselves. If you like what you see then congratulation boy, but if you don’t you run your black ass on up out of there.”

Now my mom had told me to not pay much attention to the crazy mess that Uncle Benny used to say but I respected him; and couldn’t help but internalize what he said in some way. Except, we live in a different world now than Uncle Benny did and honestly:

The game has changed.

I smoke weed. Honestly, you’ll have a hard time finding a millennial who doesn’t. Cannabis has ingrained itself into the modern age. For some it’s the remedy to the beautiful chaos of life, and for others the medicine to heal their pain. Whatever you plan to use it for, it’s here to stay so why not take advantage?

Dating and hooking up can be awkward at times. You can’t expect someone to walk in, drop their pants and give you the thumbs up. OK, guys may do it all the time but ladies you’re a bit more work. We have to make you feel comfortable and ease our way into sex. Remember guys, slow and steady wins the race, women don’t get turned on with the switch of a button like us. Take your time, be a gentlemen and make her feel safe. Don’t just throw your dick at her right away. Weirdo.

This is when Mary shines the best. Of course, ask if they are interested in smoking first and if they aren’t don’t pressure them, it looks bad. And don’t be cheap either, if you’re the guy that makes a girl put 5 on it the first time you meet, then I’m sorry bro she might not call you back.

Now, consuming cannabis creates feelings of euphoria, relaxation, happiness, the giggles, horniness, the munchies… does a lot. And you’ll see how the two of you begin to open up and create this more free atmosphere. Your defenses will slowly start to break down and you can begin to really see the person in front of you.

It won’t feel as awkward because you create this natural intimacy by sharing the experience together. Whether you’ve had sex yet or not it’s moments like this when a hook-up doesn’t feel like just a hook-up anymore. It makes you appreciate and respect them more as they open up with you. You resonate with their memories, experiences and stories differently than if you were sober and are less connected to your personal biases. Who knows, somebody may even end up catching feelings.

Hooking up doesn’t have to be awkward at all. You both are there to enjoy each other’s company right? Let smoking do the hard work for you. Sit back, light up and if there’s chemistry all you have to do is watch the magic happen.

P.S. If you don’t feed her and give her water, you’re borderline a sociopath.

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