Your boy messed up big this weekend.
Now normally I don’t get too personal on here. I mean, I’m giving dating advice not writing a diary right? But I think the best way for me to articulate my point here is to open up a bit.
I’m not sure why but as men it’s almost as if we’re conditioned to ignore our feelings, especially when it comes to dating. We’ve all heard the same bullshit:
“Don’t cry over no female, bro.”
“Don’t ever show no weakness, bro.”
“You acting whipped, bro.”
Yada freaking yada. What we don’t realize is that this emotional dissociation impacts so much. Even our loved ones. Letting someone you cherish walk out of your life because you’re too prideful to deal with the situation is the definition of weakness. The strongest men are able to own up to their faults and throw pride aside for the people they love.
I hurt her feelings, and even though it wasn’t intentional my lack of effort in making her feel better escalated what could have been a very small situation. All she needed was an apology.
“Let it go. It’s not worth it”
The reality is that something that’s not a big deal for you may mean the world to your partner; something I wish I remembered before now. Instead of dealing with it, I avoided the “burden” of apologizing. I knew I had done something wrong but it was as if avoiding it was easier, and it was up to her to forgive and forget.
I was wrong.
Next thing you know it’s the next day and what should have been a 5 second miscommunication the day before has now exploded into a full blown argument. I didn’t even have a damn point. It was almost as if I was simply upset at her for having feelings. And next thing you know:
“I can’t be with you.”
Now this should have been an instant red flag. You don’t walk out of a 3 year relationship unless you have to. But did I listen to my heart? Did I hug her? Even try to make her stay?
NOPE. My dumbass said:
“Fine. I’m going to the gym.”
I was prideful. And I was foolish. While she was arguing I was so focused on being right and avoiding responsibility. It wasn’t until she walked out that it all set in. The second I let go of my pride is the moment I realized what I lost. I needed a second opinion and ended up calling my boy up. Only this fool was even more prideful than I was.
“AYE LOOK SLIM THERE’S PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA. IF THE GOING GET GOOD BUY A BOAT.”
My pride was what got me into this mess, so I knew it couldn’t be the solution.
So I sat there.
For 2 hours I sat in my chair, thinking. Something my ADD normally prevents. I looked at the situation differently without my previous defenses. I let my pride go and put myself in her shoes for the first time, only to realize my mistake.
“I chose my pride over compassion.”
I made myself vulnerable enough to understand my women’s frustrations. Something men often fail to do. It’s ingrained in us to be hardened and unwavering. We are expected to stand tall and never buckle under pressure.
But that wasn’t more important than her.
She blocked me, so I couldn’t text her normally. After dusting off my Snapchat I sent her the words that every woman needs to hear after an argument:
“Baby I’m sorry. What can we do to make this work? I don’t want to stop growing with you.”
And she heard me. Nothing else mattered but getting her back, despite how “weak” it made me look. We need to put our pride aside and not be afraid to put work into our relationships.
If your partner tells you something or is open about their frustrations with you don’t ruin that communication. It’s a blessing. Put your pride and defenses aside and really try to listen to what they have to say.
Don’t make your partner feel like an annoyance. Try to value their feelings, even if you may not fully understand them.
You should always cherish your relationship more than your ego.