Every relationship comes with a fixed set of expectations. They’re based on the values that we carry with us, and stay constant no matter who we’re with.
I want you to take a second and imagine we all carry a box. In this box is everything that you are, and thus everything you’re willing to bring to a relationship. It carries your dreams and aspirations, joy and love and even your fears and insecurities. Everyone’s box is different. We are constantly searching for someone who can match with the pieces we already have and fill our box with those we’re missing. That’s what a relationship is. When we look into each other’s boxes, there’s one value that we look for more than any other:
It’s the value we hold dearest; yet break the most. And so it raises a serious question:
Is being faithful hard?
I’m going to be honest with you all here, I had to rewrite this piece. When I first heard the topic I jumped straight to a conclusion.
“Nah it’s easy.”
I lit a joint, and spent an hour writing about how being faithful is a choice and being committed takes discipline and blah blah blah.
Look, I’m not saying that’s not all true but the more I wrote about this topic; the more I looked at it and made myself vulnerable enough to speak on it, the faster I came to a realization.
It’s hard as hell to stay faithful.
Its not easy. It never has been. People are practically throwing their private parts at each other and you are going to be tested every single day. As humans, we crave new experiences and new people. Its bred in us to crave that social interaction. But, that has never justified disloyalty. It takes maturity and commitment to look past fleeting desires. When you really care for someone, destroying their trust in you will be the last mistake you make. It doesn’t matter how hard staying faithful is; if you love and respect your partner then infidelity and peace of mind should be the least of their worries.
Its important that we understand the parts of ourselves that we can’t change. Ladies, your man is going to look at other women, and guys your lady is going to look at other men. It’s natural. But there needs to be a level of trust in your relationship where you know that no matter whose butt they look at, or who they follow on Instagram they won’t ever betray you. And if you don’t have that level of comfort then you’ve got some work to do. Now, let me be clear if someone has constantly proven their untrustworthy then let them go. They don’t value you.
As difficult as it is to be faithful, hurting you should be 1000 times harder.