The 3 T’s

Dating is complicated. Admit it, some of the most frustrating and hair pulling moments of your life come from the people you love most. Yes, being with someone can be fulfilling and beautiful and yada yada yada but listen here; it’s not always bliss and romance.

I promise you will never throw your phone across a room more times than when you are texting someone you care about and its not a real relationship unless you want to kill each other 30% of the time. That’s OK, love is crazy like that. But you need to understand that the best relationships take time. You don’t jump into a pool unless you know its depth right? Treat your emotions the same way. You need to go through the right steps and motions. Don’t make a physical attraction or sexual connection the foundations of your relationship. The more flippant you are with your time and feelings the more you’ll get hurt. So just take your time and go through the three T’s.

1. Texting

Texting may be the “first” step in the dating process but trust me it can be the last if you don’t know how to play the game. Whether you have their number already or you are trying to slide in for the first time, texting takes some serious patience and a good approach. They already know your real intentions before you tell them so expect some serious defense right out the gate. You should go in expecting to get curved, especially if you’re a guy. Don’t worry. Its better to shoot your shot and miss than hold onto the ball, just keep playing.

Now if you managed not to get curved then congrats! You’re a number in their phone. That’s it. Anything other than that you’re going to have to work for. Be friendly first and begin to develop the foundations of a relationship with this person. Keep the conversation going but be yourself too. You want to make them feel excited every time your name pops up on their phone screen. Don’t only text them when they text you because it shows a lack of effort and the relationship will never become more than just a few messages. Don’t force anything either, if the chemistry is there then a natural attraction will form and you will move onto the next step.

2. Talking

This is without a doubt the most recent and obscure step in dating. Talking is hard to define as it can differ from person to person. Think of it as similar to friends with benefits. But let me be clear; texting and talking are different so don’t get them confused. Texting is a bit more friendly and cordial but talking can get deeper and very intimate. When talking to someone you’re trying to catch their vibe and see if it would be worth investing time into a relationship with this person.

There’s often a physical attraction between two people talking and there’s a big chance you’re going to end up having sex before fully defining the feelings you have for one another. The biggest issue with “talking” is that we confuse this physical attraction for an emotional one and can become attached too early. To avoid getting hurt It’s important to have an understanding of what both parties want before feelings get involved. There’re people who’ve been talking for years and are fine with it and on the flip side you’ve got women who are frustrated with giving parts of themselves to men who won’t claim them.

3. Together

HERE WE GO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! FINAL BOSS! And it’s more difficult than anything before it. No rule books. No cheat codes. It’s just you and them. I swear, one of the biggest reasons why people never go from talking to dating is that it comes with more expectations; and not everyone is mature enough to meet them. Loyalty and sacrifice aren’t guaranteed anymore so tread lightly. Being together is the step you will spend the most time in and it can be defined in countless ways but I’ll try to keep it simple.

Once you’re together, dating requires an enormous amount of patience and understanding. Which is why it’s so important to build a relationship on the foundations of a friendship. You need to understand that you are two different people, and although you may disagree it shouldn’t change the love you have for them. Arguments should be lessons that breed growth rather than animosity. A healthy and prosperous relationship will always be between two forgiving people. Don’t be quick to jump ship when times get hard; make an effort to understand both the good and bad about your partner. Being there for them as a friend is as important as being there for them romantically.

When dating we confuse infatuation with love; not realizing how easily it fades. If you have an incredible connection in the bedroom but can’t hold a conversation with them then something needs to change. You should be with someone that you enjoy waking up to and seeing every day no matter what may have happened the night before.

My biggest point here is that you don’t have to date over and over again to get it right. By following the blueprint and taking your time you can save yourself a lot of heartache. There’re plenty of snakes in the grass, so if you don’t want to get bit It’s the quality of person you fall for that matters. Mastering the three T’s will not only help you weed out a bad relationship but show you how to maintain a healthy one.

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