Why we cheat. 

A real look into the hearts of men.

Let’s get one thing straight.No matter what gender or sexual orientation you are, cheating is wrong. We all know its wrong. And yet, it happens every day. Your man may even be cheating while you’re reading this (you should call him). I’m not going to sugarcoat or pull any punches here and the truth is we cheat more than women. Much more. But why? Why is it, that some men can’t get it right? How do you keep getting played? Is it you? Is it something you did or didn’t do? Here’s your answer.

Understand who you’re with.

No matter what you do some men aren’t loyal. The easiest way to get heart broken is by being with someone or investing time into a man you may not even know. And I’m sorry but if you’re talking to or having relations with a guy and all you know about him is his name, face and penis size then you need to do better. Your self-esteem will thank you for it and you’ll be surprised what you find.

No one appreciates something they didn’t work for and more often than I have time on this earth; people give a man parts of themselves that he hasn’t earned.

The biggest example of this is when people (my generation in particular) fall for the “No title trap”. It’s when a man says that you can have ALL the perks of a relationship without the label. No boyfriend, no girlfriend, no obligations, no hassle. Sounds great right?

WRONG.

You are almost asking him to cheat on you. The moment you start having sex and spending time together you’ll catch feelings. Love is an involuntary action, you can’t help but want to commit and be a serious couple. But 9/10 times he won’t want to settle down, I mean why should he? This is the textbook definition of “having your cake and eating it too”.

He can get all the attention, sex and free food he wants from you AND from someone else at the same time. The worst part is, you can’t say a thing about it because that’s what you agreed to. You are giving him permission to play games with your heart the moment you agree to this B.S.

Make him work for it. Show him that you are here for something more than a fling. And if he can’t get on board with that then HE.DOESN’T.DESERVE.YOU. You’ll be surprised of all the exes that never even deserved the tears you shed for them.

Are you satisfying him in the relationship?

Say a man doesn’t give you the run around and agrees to commit to you and you alone. You’re dating. You think you’ve done everything right but somehow you STILL get cheated on. Why? Well, men are simple creatures. There a 3 things that we crave: sex, silence and appreciation (not to mention food). What you don’t give to him he WILL get from someone else.

“But we do have sex……”

OK sure, but how often? Are you doing it once a week? Does your man watch porn more than he has sex with you? Do you shoot him down every time he initiates? If so, then he’s not satisfied and you’re not doing a big part of your job as a partner. Start sex with him. Tell him how much you love it. If he’s bad at it, then make an effort to teach him how to please you. Try new positions. If you show that you want your man, and connect with him both emotionally AND physically he’ll respond the same way and love you more for how you make him feel.

“OK but why do I have to silence myself?”

I don’t mean limit your voice in the relationship. At the end of the day, you are partners, and he should respect every word out of your mouth. Yet, there’s a difference between talking to your man and talking at him. No man enjoys being talked down to or told everything he does wrong. If something about your partner bothers you express that in a way that is meaningful, honest and won’t push them away.

Don’t be combative, or irritating; he will block out and disregard everything you have to say only for the issue to come back up again and again 10 times worse. Sit down with him, explain to him how you feel, and then all you have to do is leave him alone. Let him internalize what you said. If you constantly give positive and loving energy even when you express your concerns he’ll want to become a better partner for you. He will show growth. It’s hard to argue when everything you say ends with a kiss.

“Appreciate what? He doesn’t do anything for me”.

I’m sure that’s not true. It’s the little things that matter. Does he cook for you? Does he clean? Is he a good father? Does he drive you to work? Does he tell you I love you every day?

Don’t only reward grand gestures or when he spends money on you. Show him that you see him working all day. Massage his back when he sits on the bed to take off his shoes. It doesn’t matter if he’s at Walmart or on Wall street. Men need love and attention too. You don’t need to break your back or buy him a yacht; your words mean more to us anyway.

You’ll be surprised at how far “Thank you, baby I love you” can go.

Sad truth is….we don’t know any better.

At the end of the day, one of the biggest reasons men cheat is because they aren’t conditioned to be loyal. Some men cheat because they don’t think It’s in their DNA to be with one person. They have a perception that men aren’t meant to be monogamous.

And pop culture doesn’t help at all. Rappers talk about cheating all the time; its the norm, and we’ve even gone so far as giving our unfaithful endeavors a name: “the side piece”. The craziest part is, that to men the more “side pieces” you have, the cooler you are! Men don’t idolize good husbands and fathers. They don’t want to be the guy who comes home to a wife and kids every day anymore. Infidelity and lack of commitment has become common and easy with dating sites like Tinder and Grindr being so popular. A lot of us just don’t know how to love anymore….and can never stay committed long enough to figure it out.

Don’t tolerate it.

No excuses. No talking it out. The biggest mistake you can make is forgiving your man right away after he’s been unfaithful; and if you don’t stand your ground all he’ll do is learn how to cheat on you better than before. A relationship without loyalty has no meaning and you have more value than you think. Don’t be afraid to kick him out the door and grow from your heartbreaks. Eat your ice cream, watch your Netflix, cry a bit and then move on to someone better. And yes, there’s someone out there who will be what you need and put you on the pedestal that you deserve to stand on. We’re not all lost causes.

A guy who cheats on his partner; a person who would take the gift of human companionship and throw it away….they don’t even deserve to stand among real men.

A real man can’t be stolen.

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