The greatest lesson you never ask for.
It hits you like a train. It can come from seemingly nowhere; blindsiding you and shaking the foundations of your confidence and even your life. Sometimes you can feel it coming; a nagging sense of doubt will violate you as the person you fell in love with becomes unrecognizable.
As close as they may be, they’ve never been farther from you. You’ll wade in your own insecurities, asking questions that you may never find answers to, wondering why they changed, until you’re ultimately left with a feeling of defeat at your powerlessness to stop it.
Your phone will feel heavier and what used to be deep prophetic conversations will become one word responses and forced attempts at affection, as you crave the adoration of someone who doesn’t want you anymore. The tragic irony is that for all the time you spend in their presence you still end up feeling empty and alone; investing a part of yourself into someone who can’t give you the same.
“Is everything OK?”
“Please talk to me. Is it me?”
“What did I do wrong?”
“……………. I love you.”
Your pleas will fall on deaf ears. Like a parasite, they’ve drained your heart and are ready to move on to the next. You sit in your loneliness, noticing how every song on shuffle relates to what you lost. A piece of you that you gave to them. A part of your soul that you’ll never get back.
Your breathing feels heavier and ragged. Your face will feel hot and as you grab at your chest to relieve the tightness, you forget to hold back your tears. You have officially had your heart broken.
And that’s OK.
Don’t fret over this lost love. I know how it feels right now but you are going to learn from this. Recognize that feeling inside you. Hate this pain so much that would never wish it on your worst enemy. But most importantly grow from it. Everything they put you through look back it. Every argument. Every fight. Understand that you can do better. You deserve more, and once you understand and see the value in yourself, letting go will be easier than ever.
Now understand that from now on you will do whatever it takes to never feel this pain ever again. It will be scary at first. It will be hard to pick yourself back up. To be honest with you, there will be times when the cold embraces of your loneliness can only be ceased by reaching the bottom of a tub of Bryer’s ice cream.
And that’s OK.
Accept the nagging melancholy in your heart for right now, don’t fight it. It’s OK to feel hurt and hate. It’s natural, and those emotions are what makes us human. That’s what made you fall so hard in the first place. But you don’t need them, you never did. Now move on. Don’t let this stop your growth and blessings. You’re strong, much stronger than you know. Work on yourself; heal the part of you that they stole and rid the toxins of their memory from your heart. We never stop growing. Lessons can be learned every day when you’re undaunted by their truths.
From now on:
1.) Love someone who treats you how you deserve to be treated. 2.) No more hiding or trying to impress. Love someone who wants you for you. 3.) Love someone who wants to understand you; from your flaws to your strengths. 4.) Relationships are a partnership. Love someone who hears your voice. 5.) Love someone who wants to grow with you. Don’t let anyone hold you back. 6.) Love someone who finds the beauty in your ugliness. 7.) Love someone who is committed to you and no one else.
8.) Love someone who craves you. 9.) Love yourself, before you love anyone else.
Don’t fear falling in love; change who you fall in love with.